Sonntag, 14. März 2010


For real, I'm not joking. Just sit and imagine the quality of wisdom that Jesus would dispense which could be of great use to our misaligned modern society. He'd say "Hey you, don't lie on your taxes. That takes a little bit of money out of all of our pockets, and that really isn't cool." And you'd think to yourself "Hey, this Jesus fella is right on point. I'm gonna stop cheating on my taxes." Then Jesus would say "Hey guy, I see you eyeing that lady over there, I mean c'mon, you're a married man! Have some respect for your wife, she's still attractive." Then you'd reply "Jesus, I'm allowed to window shop so long as I don't touch! Mind your own business, okay? What do you know about women anyway? I don't remember reading anything about you even so much as holding a girl's hand, you stupid virgin." Feeling humiliated, Jesus slaps you in the face, and it becomes obvious to you that Jesus can't fight. Knowing this, you punch Jesus in the stomach and follow through with another punch to his jaw. Jesus let's out a whimper and collapses to the ground in tears spitting up blood. "YOU SEE JESUS?!? YOU SEE WHAT THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY HAS FOR YOU!!!" You scream at the top of your lungs. You're amazed at how easy it was for a mortal such as yourself to overtake someone of a supernatural pedigree. "I can't believe I just beat up Jesus! I can't wait to tell my friends..." But while standing triumphantly over this bleeding pile of parables you begin to feel shitty about this whole situation... "Uh... Jesus... you okay, man? I... I... I'm really sorry dude... I shouldn't have hit you so hard... my bad..." You apologetically offer Jesus your hand to help him up off the ground. Smiling, Jesus looks up and stares deeply into your eyes while extending his hand toward yours. Gazing into the eyes of Christ feels as if you are peering into eternity itself and at once you are at peace with the entirety of the universe. You begin to lose any semblance of individual consciousness as the great dual isms of Mind and Body, Matter and Spirit, and of Good and Evil melt away into a unity so complete, yet so fragile, that you dare not describe it, for no words exist that can properly convey such a profound level of spiritual awareness. You've read about this awareness in your books on Buddhism and in The Celestine Prophecy, but you never thought yourself capable of achieving it. It is while you're in this cosmic state of awareness that Jesus secretly collects dirt in his other hand and throws it into your eyes then punches you in the face. Jesus then transforms into a pigeon and flies away laughing, actually, he flies away cooing loudly, but you know the loud cooing is really laughing, because you fell for the old Jesus can't fight trick.

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